The Gift of Light

Dear Pamela,

I awoke this morning at about 3am, the time when the monks at the Abbey would likely be finishing lauds.  As I normally do when I awake so early, I simply lay in bed and pray.  I prayed for you, I prayed for my other friends and colleagues, I prayed for my family and for the church of Christ.  I must have fallen back asleep because the next thing I knew it 6am.  I got up and started the coffee, filled with a sense of the Holy Spirit.  Pure Joy, that’s what it was.  

Was the source of joy my new washer and dryer?  I am quite thrilled not to have to hang all of my wet laundry everywhere in the house now like I have been for the past week and a half since my dryer quit on me!  But, that’s not where the joy came from, of that I am sure.  I think what happened is that I slowed down long enough in the past 24 hours to allow God to speak to my heart.  I, like many of my pastor colleagues, have a hard time during Advent and Christmas- there is so much going on!  Six baptisms, a handful of new members, Sunday School Christmas program, Live Nativity, home communions, two services on Christmas Eve and one on Christmas, and then all of the duties required of me at home to get ready for the “big day.”  It can be exhausting, which I know you know.  But yesterday I only worked for three hours and then spent the rest of the day reading, cleaning, meandering around a clean house.  Nice!  This morning I woke up refreshed and ready for God to give me whatever it was that I needed.

As Martin and I headed out to the biketrail it was still dark, but when we turned around at the half way point and started for home the sun was peeking out over the trees in the distance.  I heard God say to me, “Amy, let go of all of the anxiety, all the worry about others, all the tasks and busyness, let it go.  Because the Son will Rise!”  I realized, once again that which I have to be constantly reminded of, that it is God who is in charge of things. God who sent his only Son into the world to rescue us from sin and death is ever-present, loving us, forgiving us, protecting us, walking with us.  As I ponder the nativity of the King of kings, I am reminded of how the story ends (and where it begins for me and for you)!  The Son will RISE!  

With Christ in our lives, what on earth do we lack?  

May the light of the world bless you and keep you always my dear friend.  

In Christ’s love,

Amy

Early morning in Norwalk, Ohio from Firelands Rails to Trails

Dear Amy,

So a week has gone by.  As the marketing world invites us to return or exchange or even buy ahead for next Christmas, we are invited to savor the time at hand -- the days of Christmas.  Time has passed with a delightful blend of light and dark, sheer delight and tender grief.  

The time between Christmas and Epiphany is characterized by potential, particularly for the children of God.  We open the most precious gift of Christmas, the Christ which has been born again and again in the darkness of our world and in our hearts.

It seems that part of the mission we share is to remain in this gift, this Christ is a gift that is a perfect fit for us right where we are.  But there is so much more than the way that this present suits us now.  As we "put on" Christ we are transformed, reformed, and shaped in new ways for the glory of God and the good of others. There is no way we can predict how this gift will unfold.   If we are willing, there is no limit to its capacity to radiate the brilliant beam of truth and love, and, ultimately, PEACE, in the regions of our being and our relationships which are still in darkness.  There is no way we can predict where the gift will lead.  

Every day we have the opportuity to begin another day of cherishing this gift.  As we pray, we are drawn into a conversation with God, who reveals His complete knowledge of us and His unconditional love for us through Christ.  

For those of us in Northeastern Ohio where the mists and fogs of Lake Erie often blanket the sun at this time of year, this is very, very good news.  In Christ we have all of the Light we need.  Praying with this truth may be one of our most effective ways to meet Seasonal Affective Disorder toe to toe!  
Surely this is a gift that provides all of the Light we need.

Yours,

Pamela

Wanting What We Cannot Have

Dear Pamela,

Why do we always want what we cannot have?

It seems to be our sinful nature that leads us down paths that we be would be prudent to avoid:    food, drink, consumerism, and other carnal desires.  

What do all of these things have in common for us?  We think they will satisfy some deep need inside of us.  

A fleeting thought creates an impulse that a new gadget will keep us occupied for a little while so we can escape the boredom and mundane existence we are trudging through.  But it doesn’t deliver, we simply get sick of being plugged in, exposed to the world.  One more drink, we think, might numb the pain but all we end up with is a rotten headache and a night of fitful sleep.  One more donut might make the hurt disappear for a second, but not so. . . we end up feeling guilty and our blood sugar skyrockets (and then crashes!).  What about all the other temptations that we succumb to that really cause havoc and destruction?  We try to justify our behavior but at the heart of it is a simple issue: we are broken and in need.  Things, substances, people. . . they cannot fill the hole inside of our hearts.  Only our great companion, Jesus, can fill the gap inside of us.  When we reach that point in the trail where it says, “Closed,” what then shall we do?  Push through as if we don’t see the sign?  Go around it and ignore the warning?  Obviously there is danger ahead and if we would take time to trust our instincts, our friends’ advice and admonition, our prayer life. . . perhaps we could save ourselves from falling into the chasm that lies ahead.  

It’s easier said than I done, I think.  We are stubborn human creatures who don’t like to listen all that much!  I guess they call that “original sin.”

Yours,

Amy

Dear Amy...  

Ah!  Why do we want what we cannot have?  That is the question that is at the core of much of humanity’s angst!  And in many ways capitalistic society depends upon it!  It is a question that helps us understand the tension in much of the holiday season!

The world has always (and increasingly so) been in the business of stimulating desires for everything that is not “of” God.  Think about marketing techniques.  Advertisers are in the business of making us yearn for something we didn’t even know that we wanted!  Junk food is made with ingredients that make us want more of the same junk.  Marketing tempts us, and the victory of temptation rests in its power to claim our attention.  That is, we pay more attention to what we don’t have than to what we have been given so freely by God.  

I have been told by folks much wiser than me that our best defense against sin is focusing upon Christ -- not trying to resist the temptation with our will.  In our resistance we are still focusing upon the temptation, not Christ.  

The great news is that God has placed within each of us God’s fervent desire for us.  This desire, which is of God, stimulates our hunger for God!  M.Scott Peck refers to a “God Shaped Vacuum” that is satisfied only by the presence of God.  It is a void...a hunger...a “hole in the soul.”  Since it is a vacuum, it draws in whatever we are seeing as our “comfort.”  Yet since it is God-shaped, nothing but God completely fills it.  

So... in simplest terms... perhaps we want what we think we can’t have because God made us to want God, who says to us:  In Christ, you have me!  St. Augustine says it best: Thou hast made us for thyself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they find themselves in thee.    

Yours,

Pamela

Life's Roadblocks

Dear Pamela,

As I was walking the trail this morning, this is what I found. . . the wind had taken down this tree overnight. It deposited it right in the path where bikers, joggers and walkers traverse. Since it’s so cold there was no traffic, but it got me to thinking about how seemingly out of nowhere, roadblocks pop up and are planted right in our path.

In ministry, it has occurred to me many times, that once we get some real momentum going in our parishes, when we are moving to the rhythm of the Holy Spirit, when we are growing spiritually and numerically, then something comes along to steal that peace. Some issue, real or perceived, rears its snarly head and seeks to disrupt the flow of things. It’s easy to get anxious and upset about these roadblocks. It’s human nature to try to squash them, to keep them from taking control. It’s less easy to see options available to us in these times.

That tree on the ground did not prevent my dog and me from continuing down the trail we tread each day. We certainly had options. We could over it. We could go into the woods and around it. We could turn back and head home if we wanted to; we had choices we could make. We didn’t just stop there and look at it, at a loss as to what we might do now that something had changed in our normal routine.

Perhaps roadblocks are blown into our lives to see how creative and resilient we can be. They test our fortitude and our vision. They force us to decide.

There is one more option that I could have taken with that tree branch. I could have picked it up and moved it off to the side, without violence, without malice, without anger. Then the path would be clear again for the next travelers, but you know- in the moment I didn’t think of that. I was too busy looking at it and taking a picture of it.

Yours,

Amy

Dear Amy,

That tree was a gift for you. It stimulated thoughts that would not have been given if your walk had been ordinary, unfolding according to your assumptions or expectations. As a loner you and your dog were able to let the barrier walk with you in your thoughts (the end result was a fresh pool of ideas about roadblocks or obstacles).

I think of how you would have responded differently if you had been trekking with a group. The possibilities would have been varied, depending upon the temperaments of the followers. What if there had been discord and debate about what to do next? What if everybody was physically able to simply leap over the barrier? What if some people were differently abled with walkers or wheel chairs?

Think also about the surrounding atmosphere and how that affects our response to barriers. As it was, it was chilly, but generally a benign situation. But, what if a storm was brewing and other trees were on the verge of falling? What if you were being chased by a coyote?

It is interesting how anxiety alters our perception of a barrier. When we are calm and collected we perceive roadblocks as opportunities to pause and figure out how to proceed or what detour might be equally interesting (and might actually be a delightful byway). In many ways the barrier becomes a friend!

But (oh my!) when our emotions are ratcheted up or incited by communal worry or frustration, the size and scope of the barrier grows far beyond its reality. It becomes a gargantuan adversary.

Perhaps in congregational settings it would be helpful to gather together our team of leaders and practice some trekking in different situations. Maybe the leader could even go out beforehand and “prepare the trail,” including providing some roadblocks and barriers, just to see how the group responds to them.

Yours,

Pamela

Kindness Rating

Dear Pamela,

It is very interesting to me to think about how varied the responses have been to my congregation’s (and my) departure from the ELCA.  As you know, it has been a very painful process, but one that was steeped in prayer, reflection and constant discernment.  It was a matter of pastoral care for the congregation I serve as many of the disciples there were questioning/struggling/wrestling mightily with the actions of the church and the emerging issues with scripture/naming of God etc.  The responses have ranged from viciousness to gentle admonishing (because they couldn’t understand) to acceptance that we had done our “homework” in prayer and study.  All in all I think it was about a 50% approval rating (really it’s a kindness rating not an approval rating).  I received emails that were not so nice, Facebook messages that questioned my apparent sanity, and phone calls questioning my motives.  However, I also received kindness from people who disagree with my position, well wishes for the future, and even encouragement from those who agree but who are not ready to take any next steps for various reasons.  There has been cutoff in the classic Bowenian sense, distancing but also walking toward in order to hear and understand.  A full range of responses has occurred.

We always have a choice as to how we will respond to another’s words and actions.  Our own differentiation of self is exhibited in our response.  There is no need for name-calling, vilifying or scapegoating.  .  . but it happens.  My task has been to be self-reflective through it all and continue asking, “Where are my buttons getting pushed?” and “How am I defining self amidst the conflict and pressure that others seek to put on me?”  and most importantly “How am I taking responsibility for what is mine and not taking responsibility for what is not mine?”  

I continue to pray for God to reveal whatever he is up to in all of this.  I continue to try to not lose faith in “church” but this process has served to further focus my faith on Christ rather than on any institution.  Might we try through all the trials of the holy catholic and apostolic church of Christ to have a better kindness rating than 50%?  

Your sister in Christ,

Amy
Dear Sister and young friend...

Whenever a colleague, friend or lover goes separate ways there is loss.  Loss can generate raw emotions of pain or fear, (gut and heart).  There may be tears, sighs, or flushed faces...even some degree of clenched jaw or fist.  

When the mind or the ego kick in (as they usually will) they offer their thoughts about what has happened.  Since mind and ego are the voice of “self” they are often reflective of the struggle to answer the question:  “What does this mean?”  “ What does this say about me (or us)?”  “What am I going to do now?”  The more we focus upon what the “other” has decided to do or say, the more we run the risk of judgment, blame or the attempt at countering their decision.  

I could be wrong (it has happened at least a few times), but I think an unkind response is an indication of a lack of faith or trust.  Perhaps unkindness is a manifestation of sin’s power to divert our focus from God’s presence in all matters, calling forth new life and new possibilities, even when there is a “death” of relationship or affiliation.

God calls us to mercy, gentleness, kindness, especially when the people of God are suffering (and we are, aren’t we?).  

The whole church -- in all of its expressions -- is groaning with the pain of trying to sort out the confusion generated when we strive to “know” what is God’s truth about any issue that has MULTIPLE facets.  

I encourage us to lean towards the Cross, where even the most intense suffering does not have the last say.   It may not happen in our lifetime, but in the end all of these matters will come to an end.  All of our questions and debates will fall into silence.  

In the mean time, if we are not kind and gentle towards one another, and if we fail to care for the burdens we all share, then, quite honestly, we (the church) are giving the others who do not know Christ absolutely no reason to believe that we DO!!!!!  

Peace to you,

Pamela

On Unity, Energy, Diverging and Emerging Paths

Dear Amy,

I think it is time to look at oneness in Christ.  Clearly there are ways that the people of God are not of one mind, but it is the hope Christ prayed just before Gethsemane:  That we will be one!   (John 17)

After all, as time goes by, Christian denominations are increasingly dividing (including Lutherans) rather than showing that they are being drawn into Oneness.  On the other hand, there are those situations where oneness of heart and mind eclipse any differences.  Those situations tend to be when we are in touch with suffering and death:  the Cross.  When we stay there and open ourselves to the inbreaking of God’s power for resurrection, we move forward in oneness.  

Perhaps that helps to put words around the energy that is underlying this offering of Ventures Unknown.  

What are your thoughts?  

P
Dear Pamela,

When I was a child there was a trail that we used to walk on weekends that led to “BIg Lion’s Falls.”  There are points on the path where one trail goes up and another goes down but then they converge once more on the main path.  It just takes a bit of walking to catch up with one another as we would go our separate ways.  The goal was still the same, the end point was in common, but there were decisions to be made along the way.  For us as children the criteria of the choice had to do with “adventure” rather than any sort of principle, but it was a decision nonetheless.

We have talked at length over the years about the concept of differentiation of self in Bowen Family Systems Theory.  How do we exist together while being separate entities, separate people with separate identities, values, core beliefs, understandings and self-understandings.  For me, choosing to go another path in terms of “church” has been an ongoing process of discernment as well as differentiation of self.  It has not been fun or easy.  But it has deepened my relationship with the One who formed me and adopted me as his own.  I know this to be true for you as well as you stay the course in your denomination.  We may now have different affiliations which means we go to different meetings with a different set of disciples, but our Oneness is and remains in Christ Jesus our Lord.  Our Oneness exists in the holy catholic and apostolic church rather than in a particular branch of Lutheranism.  Our Oneness is grounded in our love for Jesus and more importantly his love for us.  My understanding of “church” has expanded immensely throughout this process as certain idols have crashed down around my feet.  What I was left with, amidst those shards of stained glass and steeples, was nothing less than my/our Savior.  We are still sisters in Christ, nothing, not even death can alter that relationship.  

a.

I give thanks and praise for that Oneness.  It has moved us toward this untrodden and (so I am told) unheard of path as fellow Lutherans.   In different ways, we have each experienced God’s nudge drawing us together in this shared interest/mission/passion for Spiritual Formation.  
The words “I don’t know where I am going, but I am on my way” keep returning to me.  All I know for sure is that God is leading and supporting in Christ.  

It reminds me of the way hairpin turns work on some of the Forest Trails that I hike.  They wander about with a snake-like configuration.  Often there is another hiker who is at a different point on the trail, just over the rise.  The “other” is visible only when the foliage is down and is accessible only if I “bushwack” across the rise.  

Sometimes oneness in Christ requires that we do some bushwacking, don’t you think? 

 

Image credit: www.blog.definingsportsperformance.org

When the trail is closed...

Trail closed.
Don't cross this boundary. Trespassers beware.
Warning! Keep out!

When I am hiking and reach a "trail closed" sign, I can't help but begin to wonder: Hmmm, why is it closed? It could be because there is, literally, danger ahead. Or it could be because the folks who maintain the trail want to work on it without worrying about possible liability for accidents which may occur. Or it could be because the trail is being allowed to rest from the erosive impact of our footsteps. Or it could be that the trail was once closed and somebody forgot to take down the sign. The list goes on.

The point is, I usually don't just stop and go another way. I go down the trail just a bit to see if the path is truly perilous, or is it merely challenging? More often than not, I am able to continue on the path, appreciating the caution, without needing to terminate my trek.

I think this applies to what we learn about identifying and attending to boundaries, rules and social "regulations".

As we are formed for ministry, it is important to pay attention to the establishment of boundaries. Without boundaries we risk spillover of emotion or energy that can be confusing (or in extreme cases, harmful). Still, it is important to be able to relax our boundaries as well. When we are rigid and immovable in what we will or won't do, or where we will or won't go, we may miss some of the amazing and surprising opportunities to which God calls us.

Boundaries help us make sense of ourselves, and enable us to communicate to others clearly who we are and what we are about. Boundaries help to contain our energy, just the way a membrane contains cellular materials.

That leads to thoughts about impermeable and semi-permeable membranes and how we can learn from the way the healthy cell behaves. Impermeable membranes let nothing in, and likewise nothing gets out. Thats a rather closed off sort of cell with no relationships with its neighbors. Most cells are not like this by the way. . . if nothing can get in or out the cell will quickly die. There will be no give and take for the sake of the larger organism. (Manufacturers create impermeable membraned containers to transport liquids- think of milk jugs, plastic carboys for chemicals. These are desirable when one doesn't want flow between two places.)

Semi-permeable membranes, on the other hand, permit a flow of substances such as ions, nutrients and water to go through as long as those substances do not drastically disrupt homeostasis. Sometimes a harmful substance will make it through the membrane; it might even be toxic or dangerous to the cell, but more often than not the cell will right itself by allowing more fluid in to dilute the toxin (think of salt entering a cell and as the salinity becomes too high, more water is allowed to enter to bring the pH back to normal). A cell that is functioning properly and is healthy can maintain homeostasis without much effort, but a cell that is in trouble may be overtaken by toxins which could lead to cellular death. Boundaries keep the cell healthy, but cells have to interact with one another for the sake of the organism of which they are a part, therefore there has to be some flow from one cell to another.

Back to boundaries in relationships, we can allow ourselves to venture near something or someone that might not be overtly healthy but we have to be clear about who we are, what we stand for and so on so that the "toxin" does not overtake us (differentiation of self). We need to know "when to say when."

That's what Pamela is talking about when she discerns why the trail is closed-- is it dangerous? Or is a "proceed with caution" sort of warning more in order?

One thing I have learned: When I choose to head down the closed trail, I make sure that I am equipped for the potential difficulties. Do I have adequate physical energy? Is there enough daylight left? Hiking stick? Water? Take a look at the clouds...rain?

The point is, we need to be wise about how we "are" when we relax our boundaries. Before we enter the riskier areas of relationships we need to take a look at our own fullness of heart and soul as well as our physical and mental health. If our "tank" is full we can go ahead. But if we are running on empty we may do harm to ourselves or to the other.

How do you discern if you are equipped to proceed? What are some of the signs that you are full (or, conversely, on empty?) Only you (and God) can know.

How have you experienced the significance of boundaries? Where have they been helpful? When have you discovered the importance of relaxing a boundary (and discovered the benefit of being "semi-permeable")


Color key: Pamela, Amy

Loneliness on the Journey

Dear Pamela,

You know how we have often talked about the loneliness of this leadership journey? When I think back on the past 15 years with seminary training, internship and now nine years of pastoral leadership, the loneliness has waxed and waned throughout the times.

I didn’t really believe that it would be a lonely vocation when I first heard it said in seminary. How could it be? After all you are surrounded by people! People are in worship, they are serving at church functions, they are calling and talking to you frequently, and there is always activity to be involved in any time you desire it. Even on internship when I had my first experiences of being turned loose in the parish to “do ministry” I still didn’t believe my internship supervisor that this could be a lonely walk. But now after nine years in the parish, even though I am surrounded by people who love me and who show me that love almost constantly, I “get it.” In fact, I got it a long time ago.

So what’s the difference you might ask? I think the difference is about being the one whose job it is to take responsibility for the leading of the mission and ministry. In seminary I had no responsibility for a congregation. Even on internship there was a safety net in place, if I messed up it was probably not going to be me who paid the emotional price (depending how bad a mess up it was perhaps) but the supervising pastor who was in charge. That safety net was for training purposes, of course, and allowed me the freedom to grow and stretch and try new things. But the buck never stopped with me. . . it stopped with him. Period.

This isn’t about “messing up” or “getting it right” either. It’s about leadership and the fact that leading a group of people, any group (a business, a village, a country, a unit of soldiers), requires one to be able to take a clear stand and bear the burden of other’s dissatisfaction when it happens. And it always happens. It is about having enough pain tolerance to tolerate the “pain” that will be thrust upon the leader when anything changes, and I mean anything. It is a lonely place to be where the leader has to make decisions and not vacillate on those decisions based upon every opinion within the church family. It is emotionally strenuous to be a leader and the loneliness becomes more pervasive when we are on the “right track.” Edwin Friedman called it “sabotage” and warned leaders that it would happen if they were being clear about their values, goals and purpose.

I knew that there would be sabotage. I just expected it to look different, more blatant I guess. When it’s an all out attack I can clearly see that as sabotage. When it’s passive aggressive behavior or envious barbs I can eventually discern that as sabotage. But the loneliness. . . now that’s taken me a little while longer to come to terms with. So, my friend, what is your take on this business of loneliness? Any suggestions for one who finds herself wandering in the wilderness on a variety of occasions?

Yours,

Amy

Ah! dear trekker....

I am convinced that leaders of institutions, communities and yes, families and churches, will often be “out there” and alone. It has much to do with our commitment to the truth.

Leaders will speak the truth to the best of their ability. And seeking the truth and then speaking it takes one beyond the spaces and places where folks have built up their own notion of what is “real." Their notions are tinted and toned by human feelings such as hunger, fear, pride, envy, doubt. And somewhere underlying the notions is God’s truth...God’s thoughts....God’s Way.

Our minds can’t conceive of God’s truth. But Christ leads us towards truth and compels us to proclaim it.

The truth may set one free (John 8:31), but freedom doesn’t usually result in being surrounded by attaboys. When one discovers an essential truth about something (ie, “What is really going on here?” ) Truth sets us free from doubt, at least at its onset. Then come the questions: So now what? And then the wonder: Why the resistance?

It seems to me that when we experience the resistance of others, which may be expressed, at first, as apathy, passive aggression, envy or sabotage, our first response needs to be: What can I learn from those who are resisting me? Can their response help to clarify the truth even more?

Think about how truth affects relationships. So often, the most fundamental truth stimulates awkwardness. . . On the lightest note: “You have lettuce stuck between your teeth.” (Or something hanging out of your nose.... chuckle). On a heavier note: “Why do your shirts smell like another woman’s perfume?” Or: “Really? You don’t want to shake hands with our guest because his fingernails are dirty?”

I attended a conference where I heard Richard Rohr speak about true statements. He said that we will often meet resistance when we tell somebody what they most need to hear. This may be equally true with words that challenge as well as words that comfort. Challenging words may stimulate change by exposing pride (ouch!) and comforting words stimulate change by exposing an abiding sense of worthlessness (who..me?).

Yet, if our intention is love for the other, we are granted by God the power to proceed along the path of truth. Our strength lies totally in our utter dependence upon Christ, who walked the lonely path before us and invited us (commissioned us) to follow.

There will be times when we look around and see that we are, in fact, totally alone. If we notice that our “friends” are not with us, we will have our own Gethsemane experience, and weep our tears of loneliness and isolation.

And, there we will be embraced by Christ, saying “I know... I know... I was here too!”

Now, given all of that, what do you think happens when we try to avoid or numb away our pain of loneliness?

Journeying with you...

Pamela

Labor and the birthing process

Dear Pamela,

Did I ever tell you about having both of my babies induced?  When I was pregnant with each of my children I was working and/or going to school in Columbus which was over an hour away from home.  I had visions of going into labor and having a truck-driver on Interstate 71 delivering the baby for me.  Silly, I know. . . hormones will do that to a person!  So at 39 weeks, with both of my children, the doctor induced labor.  It was all planned out, bag packed, no surprises, show up and get started.  We knew the day I would go in, get hooked up to the pitocin and wait.  We didn’t know if they babies were boys or girls but we knew the day they would be born.  

Now, the labor was very real, don’t misunderstand that because it was induced that it wasn’t as painful as waiting for it to happen on its own. Thirteen hours and nine hours respectively of full blown labor was what I experienced.  But, in some ways I regret that I was afraid to wait for labor to occur on its own.  (Actually with our daughter I was in labor and went sled riding to try to get her to “come on out” but she didn’t and so two days later I was induced.)  Both children were full term, full sized, fully healthy. . . but the fact that it was so planned out makes it, in retrospect, kind of sterile and uninspiring.  The end product was still amazing, two beautiful babies, one with pale blonde hair and one with incredible amounts of beautiful black hair, but I often wonder what it might have been like to wait.  Would they have come in the middle of the night on their own accord?  Would we have had to rush to the hospital, racing against time to get there?  We will never know because my hectic seminary schedule (I didn’t want to miss classes) and work schedule (I didn’t want to leave my boss hanging too long without me) dictated (or so I thought) the natural order of things.  

What do you think about this inability to wait for things to happen on their own?  To force events to transpire, perhaps even before they are meant to happen?  I think there must be some correlate to the spiritual life.  

I await your response,

Amy

Dear one, 

The first thing that comes to mind is to say, “you can’t wish for a perfect past.”  I say that (and I am not the first one to say that) to encourage you to look at the past with a gentle, appreciative stance.  How amazing it is that your body (and yes, the living force embodied in those little ones) was able to collaborate with the pitocin to proceed with the natural process of birthing after it was given the nudge of induction.  It is similar to what I have heard about some soaring birds that fledged only after they were “invited”  to leave the nest by the parent’s “push.”   

Ah yes…. God participates in even our impatient moments.  It is true that those times of birthing your children were nudged along by a human desire to take control of timing – but the outcome of your safe labor and delivery of those beautiful babies is still clear manifestation of the mystery of God’s gifts which underlie the miracle of life.  

Moving along to how all of this relates to the birthing of spiritual matters, I know that when we notice stirrings within the heart (or womb) of our interior life, we may be inclined to rush to some conclusion.  We want to know the meaning of the stirring or agitation and figure out some action plan.  

We attempt to guess at what is emerging (with varying degrees of accuracy).  Guessing gives us something to do with our minds, but it may divert our attention from the spiritual formation that is taking place.  In other words, we are running before grace – putting the cart before the horse – fast forwarding.  We may arrive at the “birth” of the new thing God has given, and we may actually get it “right.”  However, we will have missed (as a result of our diversion) what God was doing (and how we were responding) during the process.

To continue the metaphor, it is as if our distraction (our guesses) serve to numb the pain of labor.  The job still gets done, but we have been spared the raw, piercing pain of the experience.  

One might ask, what are the benefits of going “natural” (ie, without numbing) when it comes to birthing new life?  I have some thoughts about that, but rather than fast forwarding to my musings, I leave that question for you to ponder.  

Your midwife, 

Pamela 

PS:  A hint. . .  it has something to do with wisdom.